It's time to recalibrate!

As I begin writing this article, I am not exactly in a spiritual high or a faith level commended as the centurion, but on the contrary, I have allowed several setbacks to weigh me down over the last couple of weeks.

Nevertheless, I knew clearly what I must do: One to write this article, and two to allow my Master to recalibrate everything in my heart, mind, soul and spirit that has gone way off track.

As I was meditating on Luke chapter 13, there were three points that the Holy Spirit birthed into my mind:

1)      REPENT

The chapter starts with the key topic of ‘repentance’. Twice in the first 5 verses Jesus spoke of repentance.  And I knew that prior to anything else, any step further, I had to repent of indulging in the zone of defeat and choosing to forsake my intimate relationship with God. It is not whether trusting in God is easy or not; but it’s just – to TRUST. FULLSTOP.

“Lord, I surrender to you all my disbelief and doubts in You – Your omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence. I say unto You that I trust in You, that’s it. I choose to revel in Your love and promises for me. May it be unto me as You have said. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

2)      PERSEVERE – HOLD ON TO FAITH IN GOD

It is difficult or perhaps impossible to have faith in a God we do not know. But praise be to God who gave us His Word that we may grow in knowledge of Christ. The next topic in Luke 13 that the Holy Spirit revealed to me was about the Kingdom of God, in other words, the nature of God.

Verses 6 and 7 described exactly what I have been going through, and that is: prayer sown and remain unanswered; effort sown results naught. Why should I still keep this tree that bears no fruit?

Amazingly verses 8 and 9 reveal the heart of God. As Jesus lives to intercede for you and I, He too desires us to prayer unceasingly. And He is saying that He is the God who knows everything we are enduring. He knows it ain’t easy. He knows and He cares. The best part is, He will deliver His promises that He will answer our prayer – if we have been praying in accordance to His will. At this point, we need to ask God if what we have been praying for is in accordance to His will – check with His Word.

We have faith in this God who is unlike another. He works in ways so different, sometime beyond logic. Verses 10 to 17 describes about how Jesus ‘broke the Sabbath’ according to human logic. He healed a woman on the Sabbath. He didn’t wait till after Sabbath. This is who our God is. He doesn’t associate healing us, helping us, restoring us as work. Rather, He associates that with LOVE. This is my God and what is it in Him that I can’t have faith in?

Verses 18 to 21 speaks of the Kingdom of God. To seek God’s Kingdom isn’t just about doing His Work. It is not so much of the doing. It is the condition of our heart and mind – the understanding of the His Kingdom. His Kingdom is BIG, yes it is. But oftentimes, as how He uses the ordinary to perform the extraordinary, somehow it seems so ordinary and we subtly forget about it when we put it side by side the world. However, that ordinary has an amazing influence and power when we understand that a thought in God’s mind is more than enough to bring about a HUGE miracle. Think about the mustard seed and yeast… Small and insignificant things… Yet it brings about such great impact to the ‘birds’ and ‘the large amount of flour’.

“Lord, You are the Great I am. Nothing is beyond You. Nothing is out of You.”

3)      SHIFT MY FOCUS TO ETERNAL TREASURES

Earlier today, my dad said about another, “Where your heart is, there your treasure is.” Though he implied it for another, it pierced my heart. I have been sowing prayers about the people God placed in my heart and even been sowing much effort at work, yet when the results remain naught, I wonder: why?

But no, why isn’t the crux. My focus was on the wrong things. I looked at the people I was praying for and the results of my effort at my workplace. I realized suddenly I had lost my focus.

The remaining verses speak of salvation, heaven and hell. Indeed, those who are last will be first, and the first will be last. As I am writing this, nothing outside of me has changed, in fact, things outside of me accelerate as a fizzy mess. However, by God’s strength and grace, I can remain unwavering. I am so close to having a complete recalibration of shifting my focus to eternal treasures…

All of a sudden, nothing matters as much as awaiting for Christ to come back for me. And being in His dwelling place forever and ever. Yet, I hold on to His Word that though I sow in tears, I shall reap with joy – in eternity. Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord (verse 35).

“Lord, I await You return. Thank You that You have prepared a beautiful place for me in heaven, where there’s no tears, no strife, no pain. In my short life on earth, may You accomplish all that You will for me and through me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Got it? Or, rather, done it?

Kathryn Khulman - Daughter of Destiny

Kathryn Khulman – Daughter of Destiny

A reflection on “The Only Authorized Biography of Kathryn Khulman”

By Jamie Buckingham

Kathryn Khulman was a great woman of God who preached the Word of God, healed the masses and led many to Christ from a young age, yet the greatest mistake in her life became a work of conviction in my heart several years ago – what led me to repent and return to God’s plan for my life.

It was in the year 2011 that God spoke clearly to me of the spouse He has provided for me. During that time, I was on a spiritual high and quickly accepted the man God has placed in my life. It was when I found out that God had also shown him about me that we hastily jumped into a relationship – "in God’s name". However, we did not seek God on His timing for us and that only resulted in dissension and hatred between us. I often said, “The only thing that’s keeping us together is God.” I began to abhor God’s plan for me simply because I obeyed blindly. I did not seek God.

About a year later, we separated. I flew to Khon Kaen, Thailand, for studies and for mission work. Though I went there hoping to start afresh, I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life. I disregarded God’s plan for my life. I fell in love with a guy who was seemingly devoted to the faith and anointed by God. I quickly convinced myself that if it was God’s plan for me to marry the first guy, then we wouldn’t have broken up. So I plunged into a new relationship with the Thai guy. The initial stages were bitter-sweet, yet as Kathryn experienced herself, the conviction of the Holy Spirit was more than I could bear. That was about the time I had begun to read this book while I was still in Khon Kaen.

“But for a while……for once in her life she was determined to do things her own way, regardless of what God – or His people thought about it.

Kathryn’s marriage to Burroughs Waltrip, who left his wife and children for her love, was more than a horrible mistake. It was sin – rebellion against God. At the same time, it became the crucible – as Moses’ slaying of the Egyptian guard earned him exile in the wilderness of Midian – which would bring her to the place of total surrender to God’s perfect plan for her life.

……God has a way of taking our rebellion, our sins, our flagrant disobedience, and moulding them into our future tensile strength. So while Kathryn later realized she had sinned, she also realized that because of what she had walked through her dark valley, she could better comprehend the cross, and the meaning of her own redemption. For through it all, even when she was ‘killing the Egyptian’ and wandering in the cruel wilderness created by her disobedience, God’s hand was upon her.” (Buckingham, J., 1999, pg81)

Just like Kathryn, people around me kept dissuading me from being together with the Thai guy. Yet like Kathryn, I refused their advice. Submission, to both Kathryn and I, was bondage and I would reply to them, “Let God speak to me directly.” This was also a great weakness Kathryn and I both had – refusal to submit to godly people around us. Had I been submissive to these people, I would not have delayed God’s plan for me for a year and a half and to some extent would not have destroyed my ministry. Most of my friends in Thailand began to distant themselves from me after they found out I was in a relationship with the Thai. The people I served with rejected me because of the displeasing relationship I was in. Yet, as how Buckingham writes:

“Often God’s best plan can be thwarted by man’s disobedience, meaning a second plan has to be devised, which in the skilful hands of an Almighty God, turns out to be even better than the original design. It took many years for the mills of God to grind the grist of Kathryn’s rebellion into exactness, but when the work was done, when the great fish returned her to the shore, when the bush burned and the voice of God was once again heard directing her to return to the original commission, she was ready to move.

In the meantime, however, was the wilderness, the depths of the sea, the darkness of the separation from God. Yet she deliberately ate the forbidden fruit.” (Buckingham, J., 1999, pg86-87)

Kathryn’s ministry crumbled. When church pastors found out that she was married to a divorced man who left his wife and children for her, they stopped her from preaching in their churches. Kathryn knew she had to make a radical decision to leave the man. At the same time, the guilt in her was piling up, unbearable. What struck me at that time was what Kathryn said,

 “God had never released me from that original call……and the conviction of the Holy Spirit was almost unbearable. I was tired of trying to justify myself. Tired.

……I said it out loud, ‘Dear Jesus, I surrender all. I give it all to you. Take my body. Take my heart. All I am is yours. I place it in your wonderful hands.” (Buckingham, J., 1999, pg94-95)

Yes, God had never released me from that original plan – to marry the partner He has prepared for me. I had a sudden realization about my spiritual condition when I read the following paragraph:

“Kathryn had known for almost six years that she had been fooling herself – seeking God’s blessing without being willing to live under God’s precepts. All those times, she and Burroughs had stood together behind a pulpit, preaching repentance, yet knowing, deep inside, they were living in unrepentant disobedience. They had been vessel through which others had drunk of the Water of Life, but their own mouths had been sealed, and they were unable to quench their thirst from that very water they carried to others. Many had been brought into a new relationship with Jesus Christ. Some had even been healed, for God had promised that, ‘My Word shall not return unto Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.’ But with infinite sadness, Kathryn realized that she had become like those great stone lions she had seen pictures of in Europe, with the water pouring out of their mouths. They were able to give water to all those who were thirsty, but unable to drink of it themselves, for they were made of stone. Her heart had become like that.” (Buckingham, J., 1999, pg95)

Kathryn saw how some couples she knew do exactly what she did – in praying and asking God to be merciful and forgive them – and God forgave and allowed them to remain together. Just like Kathryn, I forged examples of people with the same experiences as mine, hoping that God would treat me in a similar way. But I was wrong. I took reference to the examples of others instead of seeking God’s perfect plan for my life. As the author puts it “For unto whom much is given, much is required.” (Buckingham, J., 1999, p96)

Kathryn knew that her relationship with Burroughs was not only displeasing to God, but was also hindering her from achieving God’s plans for her. And to follow suit with great conviction in my heart, I turned around. I was willing to be buried. I was willing to sacrifice my Isaac and to again accept God’s plan for me. No one will ever know what Kathryn’s ministry had cost her, only Jesus. Similarly, no one will ever know what my ministry has cost me, only Jesus.

In Kathryn’s biography, when she chose to repent and return to God’s plan for her life, God didn’t just restore her ministry. God expanded her territories. And so did God do for me when I chose to repent, deny myself and humbly seek and accept God’s plan for me.

“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”

(Proverbs 25:28)

“Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouth full of gravel.”

(Proverbs 20:17)

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

(Proverbs 28:13)

Got it? Or, rather, done it?






Source: Buckingham, J., 1999. "Daughter of Destiny - The Authorized Biography of Kathryn Khulman", Bridge-Logos Foundation, United States of America, pg 81 - 96)

What it means to be filled with the Spirit?

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, 

and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, 

and in all Judea and Samaria, 

and to the ends of the earth.” 

~ Acts 1:8 ~

Having a Spirit-filled life isn’t just about performing signs and miracles and preaching the Word of God to the masses in power and authority – with flashes of lightning and bolts of thunder. It is good that to have these, yet we often neglect the other aspects of being filled with the Spirit.

In Acts 1:8, we often imagine witnesses of Christ as great preachers, evangelists, prophets, teachers and apostles. We limit how God can move also in the small ways, starting from you – your being, your life!

1.      GIFT OF TONGUES

When the Holy Spirit came and rested on the people on the day of Pentecost (Acts 2: 1-13), we can notice that the first enablement was to speak in other tongues or languages (v4). I believe that they also spoke in heavenly tongues (v3). The significance of speaking in tongues or other languages edifies oneself unless he interprets then it will edify the church (1 Corinthians 14:2-5). Can we say that God is more interested in the individual? I believe so! Simply because the body of Christ comprises of you – the individual. Yes, the focal point of God’s heart is you. And if the focal point of God’s heart is you, then you will understand that it is His desire for each of His children to receive the gift of tongues, as in Acts 2:

“All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” (Acts 2:4)

How does the gift of tongue edify you? (Note: I will share this from personal experience.)

I.                    In worries, anxieties & sorrows

Once when I had difficulties at work, I felt it hard to pray to God and I felt my faith in Him was dwindling. I began to activate my tongues and minutes later, my spirit got lifted up and somehow my faith strengthened. I began to proclaim God’s promises in my life and claimed upon each of one of them. Praise be to God!

II.                  In sickness & pain

Two years ago while I was on a student exchange program in Thailand, I bunked in together with a good friend of mine, a fellow believer of Christ. One night while I was asleep, she grabbed me at my arm abruptly and said while gasping for air, “Grace, I can’t breathe…” Immediately, I began to pray for her. I asked God to release His healing grace and power upon her. She continued to gasp for air and I began to pray in tongues (to get focused on God because I was feeling very sleepy) and I continued to declare healing upon her in Jesus’ Name. Just as the account of Jesus felt power leave his body (Luke 8:46), I felt an electricity current flow through my arm to her hand. Then, she could breathe normally again. Glory to God!

III.                In warfare

Once I had a nightmare. In my dream I met with a demon possessed girl who looked innocent yet her eyes were extremely frightening. I was fearful. In my dream, I recall commanding her to go away in Jesus’ Name but I was filled with overwhelming fear and she kept approaching me nearer and nearer. I started praying in tongues and in that instant I could feel my spirit man lifted and I became bold and started to command her, “Go away in Jesus’ Name!” And truly, she went away. God is omnipotent!

IV.                In praise & thanksgiving

Once I received a good news; it was an answered prayer. I began to praise God in thanksgiving. I praised Him in tongues, of which I could not understand, yet I knew my heart was filled with immense joy and I was touched by His love and faithfulness in my life. The Lord is faithful!

V.                  In deep worship and intercession

Once when I locked myself in my room, took my up guitar and began to worship. I got more engrossed and deeper in worship. It was at a point I could no longer sing or speak a word to God and there was a silence in His presence. I began to sing to tongues as the Holy Spirit flowed through me and I was ministered to. Tears began to flow from my eyes. I felt the heart of God – the people on His heart – then I moved to intercession. I started naming people who came to my mind and prayed in tongues as I didn’t know what to pray for them. I felt deeply convicted as the Spirit led me (Romans 8:26).

These experiences are not just it! God yearns for the individual, you and I, to experience His Holy Spirit in His special ways. To be filled with the Spirit is not a one-off thing. And that’s because we aren’t perfect. Sometimes, we fall. We are weak. Still, just as Enoch walked with God throughout his life, it is possible to live a spirit-filled life, not just a spirit-filled day.

2.      KINGDOM PERSPECTIVE

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear of other churches in need? Judgement? Criticism? Apathy?

The believers in Acts were living a Spirit-filled life. They had a Kingdom perspective of the church – who is the church? What is the church?

I.                    Who is the church?

The church is the people of God, believers and followers of Christ, who have everything in common (Acts 2:44, emphasis mine). It isn’t just believing in God. It isn’t just following Christ. It is having everything in common with each other, even if it means you are from a different church building, or a different denomination, or even a different language. What is this “everything”? I believe it comprises a:

A.      Common mission: The Great Commission

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19-20)

B.      Common vision: The Second Coming of Christ

C.      “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” (Romans 14:11)

D.     Common heart & mind: Oneness (Acts 2:45; 4:32)

“Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone has he had need.” (Acts 2:45)

“All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had……There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.” (Acts 4:32, 34-35)

If you ask me, the churches’ oneness in finances is the most difficult to achieve in today’s world, whether in rich or poor areas. May the Lord’s kindness lead us His church into repentance. May His mercy call us to be like Him, for His love is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:5). As such, may the churches, or should I write, the “church”, find favour in His eyes that He will empower us greatly to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and that His abundant grace will be upon us all (Acts 4:33). I believe, if the churches locally and all over the world, can catch this common heart and mind, there will be a great revival in the world:

“And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” (Acts 2:47)  

II.                  What is the church?

The church is where there’s devotion and commitment (Acts 2:42). The church is where many signs and wonders are done (Acts 2:43, emphasis mine). The church is where joyful noise and shouts of praise are heard (Acts 2:47). The church is where healthy relationships with each other and built (Acts 2:47). Because we are the church, wherever God places us, we ought to be devoted and committed to the teachings, ministries and fellowship. Wherever we go, signs and wonders shall follow us who believe in His name (Mark 16:17). Whoever we are with, we are not afraid to praise God. Whatever differences we may have against each other, we can learn to embrace and accept each other’s weaknesses and grow together in His grace and truth.

Therefore, having a Spirit-filled life starts from the individual – you and I. From this, we become a witness to our Jerusalem, our home church. When the church consists of individuals who have a Spirit-filled life, she becomes a witness to our Judea and Samaria, our community. When the community consists of a growing church with a growing number of Spirit-filled believers, we become a witness to the ends of the world. This is when the revival fire spreads across the land, it cannot contain within the boundaries of the nation, and it spreads like wildfire to the other nations. The heart of mission is not the doing, it’s the living. May the Holy Spirit help us! For it is not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of the living God (Zechariah 4:6).

Got it? Or, rather, done it?